You can help by giving them a safe and supportive space to grieve. They may feel the pain of the loss, yet believe they are not allowed to express it. We’re always accepting submissions to the NAMI Blog! We feature the latest research, stories of recovery, ways to end stigma and strategies for living well with mental illness. Most importantly: We feature your voices.Ĭheck out our Submission Guidelines for more information.People bereaved by suicide can feel alone and isolated because of the social stigma. She helps families through one of the worst times of their lives by planning funerals and memorials and helping them through the grieving process. She has 13 years of experience in the funeral industry. Karen Roldan is a licensed funeral director/embalmer. Dealing with suicide loss is hard enough already, so please, don’t place blame on anyone. Typically, they either didn’t truly see what was going on or their loved one was just not able to be reached. The family should also never have blame put onto them.
There’s no way to know the demons they faced or how many years it was going on. They did it to stop their own pain- a pain they thought would never end, and they shouldn’t be judged. Please understand that those who have died by suicide did not do this to hurt you.
#My friend committed suicide copping how to#
Suicide survivors just have to learn how to live differently. Suicide can happen without ever seeing the warning signs. Suicide is unlike any other death. A death caused by cancer, heart disease, stroke or old agemay feel sudden, but at least you feel like there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. These are just attempts to figure out the “why,” which you may never know. As survivors, you may think you could have prevented it. Tom’s parents agreed that they would make sure their grandson knew what a loving and caring father Tom had been-that none of this was his fault or their fault. In his mind, the world, “his” world, would be better off without him. His pain was greater than his will to live. He wasn’t thinking of the devastation he would be leaving behind. The act of suicide, in his mind, was the only way to end the pain. I told them that Tom was not a coward, he was in pain. How could he do this? How could he leave his son? What made him so unhappy? These questions were causing such agony. His parents were devastated and deeply confused over the loss-not just for themselves, but for their grandson as well.
Tom was a depressed young man who had a problem with alcohol and drugs. I was helping a family that lost an adult son to suicide. With this realization comes more blame and guilt. These things could have taken place without you noticing. They might have left a note to explain, but more likely than not, your questions are left unanswered.Īfter the fact, you may realize that they were getting things in order. They completed their paperwork, caught up on bills, gave away meaningful possessions. Once a person has made the decision to complete suicide, it can be like a burden has been lifted from their shoulders. Your loved one might have been in the best place emotionally and mentally that you had seen in a very long time. What did I miss? How could I have prevented it? Blame and guilt seem to overwhelm the survivors left behind. Was my husband, wife, son, daughter…depressed? Sick? Having problems at work? What was going on that I didn’t see? The hardest part of dealing with suicide is the blame we place upon ourselves. It is a private matter to lock in the family vault.
At times, the family is in such denial that suicide could happen to them that the scar will be covered up for as long as possible. Yet, it is still whispered about, not brought out in the open and discussed like it should be. There is no shame, embarrassment or cowardice behind this act. In my experience, most people don’t want to talk about it, let alone admit that a family member or loved one died by suicide. You can also get crisis text support via the Crisis Text Line by texting NAMI to 741741. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health, suicide or substance use crisis or emotional distress, reach out 24/7 to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) by dialing or texting 988 or using chat services at to connect to a trained crisis counselor.
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